Asperatus clouds can take on strange even macabre shapes. They can be gray or dark; they can hang low even to the ground then extend upward for miles high. They can obstruct vision completely or just hang shadows like a pall over everyone. All of that, instead of yellow sun beams, filtered through open sky are mood mixers that swirl even in one’s mind; so up, and down, and around you go. But never found is an eye in the center of such a mental swirl; never an eye in the center that leads to an open mind with a clear vision out. Malcolm was a mood mixer; he says that he mixed nutmeg to get high. Initially he would do anything to get Benzedrine, reefers, nicotine, and Nembutal. He would even buy it from the prison guards. The fact that Malcolm would get his drugs from the guards is a lesson in itself because how he got his drugs is analogous to how drugs get into the community at large. Government officials have always played a role in trafficking illicit drugs into the African American community. They garner huge profits from doing so and they corrupt the community as well. The prison system is a microcosm of society at large.
Malcolm was a drug addict. Malcolm could not begin his recovery journey while addicted to drugs. Substance abuse will prevent you from thinking logically and distort your emotional reactions to conditions in your surroundings. You will not know that you are dying anymore than someone who once lived can know that they are dead.
In case you don’t know it let me pull your coat. The prison system is a form of assisted suicide. For those who hate themselves and want to die, all aspects of prison are set to assist them in a painfully slow or painfully quick death. Malcolm’s bio-rhythms had been disrupted by the lifestyle he lived for years. As a consequence he could not sleep. Since he did not understand the relation between his lifestyle and bio-rhythms, he resorted to street treatments. He sought out drugs to treat his pain. Malcolm took Nembutal also known as pentobarbital, a veterinary medicine; it is also known as ‘death in a bottle’. Malcolm was depressed and he wanted to die. He had long lost both hope and his conscience. Prisons are human shredders; it would have assisted him to die.
AN ALTERED STATE OF MIND
A sociopath is one who suffers a personality disorder and who is antisocial. This concept to some degree is politically vague. But generally, a sociopath lacks or has an underdeveloped conscience; he or she has little or no capacity to empathize with others and thus lives an extremely selfish life. Drug use can make you into a sociopath. That’s what happened to Malcolm. Malcolm had become a depressed sociopath at the time he was sentenced to prison; he had a death wish. He wanted to sleep and never wake up again. Would he have admitted that? I think the answer to that question is no. But actions speak louder than words. He was in denial and you are probably in denial, too. There was no eye at the center of the storm raging in his mind; there was no way for him to see his way out because he was covered by a death pall called addiction. His prison cell was his casket; all that remained to be done was to shut the top, lock it, and for it to be buried. No autopsy need be performed on his body because the cause of death is known. Epitaph: here lies the body of a person who became too afraid to live; a person who wanted to die. Here lies a weak drug addict.
There are prison graveyards situated in the back of many prisons across the nation. They are populated with uncounted thousands of people who died in prison by assisted suicide. They are marked only with a number. They are forgotten men and women. If you’re in prison you will more likely than not be buried there. You were more than likely a sociopath who used drugs and/or alcohol and probably you were under the influence of one or many of them when you were arrested. For that reason any reasonable person would conclude that you wanted to get caught or die at the scene of the crime. Mass killers are an extreme example of your mind set. They kill people in movie theaters or shopping malls or at schools then they turn the gun on themselves and commit suicide.
Detroit Red (Malcolm) wanted to get caught or die, too. But Malcolm changed by ceasing his substance abuse while he was in prison. The message from Malcolm X on drug use is clear: only unwise people take drugs. If you use drugs for non-medical reasons then you are self-medicating for problems you need to identify. If you don’t stop using drugs to alter your mood you will be no good to anyone especially your children. Why hurt your children? Find a 12 step program; read the ‘Big Book’ and start your recovery. Only you can do it. Why don’t you start now?
© Copyright 2013 Dr. Steven Nur Ahmed, All rights Reserved. Written For: Earth Colony